


Things Unsaid

by madamecrimson



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fainting, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamecrimson/pseuds/madamecrimson
Summary: As a teenager and into adulthood, people had always told Shane that he was too dry, too emotionless, and one time, too cold-hearted.They were oblivious to the fact that the mere existence of his emotions overwhelmed Shane so intensely that he kept them locked away. And that was how Shane wanted it to be.When Shane was a child, he was incredibly emotional, to the point where experiencing any sort of feeling would crank up his anxiety. Nightmares and panic attacks were regular occurrences. Although his parents were kind, loving people, they were very much out of their element, and therapy was still somewhat looked down upon back then.Shane would consistently be told to “calm down,” and that the emotions he was feeling were manufactured in his head. His parents always seemed so disappointed that he didn’t have himself under control, and Shane couldn’t bear that. So, one day, he resolved to just…turn them off.But repression and destruction are two different things, and sometimes in Shane’s attempts to do the former, he would wind up doing the latter.And that had never proven to be more true than today.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Marielle Scott, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej/Sara Rubin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 42





	Things Unsaid

Shane sat down at his kitchen table, his laptop plugged in and on, his notebook on the right side and a mug of coffee in his hand. The Professor sat across from him against the leaf-painted wall, his little glasses back resting on his nose on now that Shane had returned them to their proper place. 

He glanced at the digital clock in the lower right-hand corner of his screen. Last night, right as Shane was sliding into bed, Ryan had texted him that they were moving the morning meeting to 9:30 AM the next day instead of their regular 10. Shane had texted back a thumbs up emoji before sinking beneath the sheets for a much-needed slumber. 

He’d been waking up earlier during the quarantine as part of his effort to develop better habits, but normally he would reserve his mornings for quiet solitude. Sometimes he would read the newspaper, go on a walk if it was nice out, watch a historical documentary.

He wasn’t particularly bothered by the slight change of schedule though. There wouldn’t really be any point to get upset over something he couldn’t change. And it was only a half hour earlier.  


At 9:30 AM, Shane clicked on the Zoom link that Ryan had sent them a few weeks ago, and entered the meeting.  


Steven was noticeably absent. He was often in the meetings before anyone else, homemade matcha drink in hand, and raring to go.  


Today though, it was just Ryan who appeared on the screen.  


Immediately Shane noticed something was off. Ryan looked nervous, different from the normal jittery anxious energy he usually radiated. This was more…scared, uncertain. 

“Hey,” Shane greeted.

Ryan merely sat there and Shane would have guessed that Ryan’s laptop froze if not for the fact that he heard a plane flying over Ryan’s house in the background. 

“H-Hey,” Ryan returned, and Shane could see him fidgeting with the small amount of fabric that made up his shirt. 

Shane was puzzled by Ryan’s behavior but didn’t press the issue. He’s didn’t really want to go digging, and if was important enough, Ryan would bring up whatever it was. 

“Did you end up finding a guest for Virtual Spooky Small Talk?” Shane asked, easing back in his chair as he began to sip his coffee. 

“Emotion” was not really a language that Shane was familiar with. 

Ryan gave a sharp nod. “One of Mari’s friends is a horror game buff so we’re gonna play together on Twitch.” 

“Well that’s good,” Shane replied approvingly, his eyes flicking to the clock again. 

Steven still wasn’t there. 

“I guess we’ve got A Little Late Lim today,” Shane remarked.

He had expected Ryan to smile at that, but Ryan merely dropped his gaze and rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck. 

“Steven’s not coming ‘til 10,” Ryan mumbled. 

“Oh…something come up in his schedule or?” Shane asked casually. 

Ryan shook his head. 

“I uh, wanted to talk to you about something,” Ryan said.

“Okay,” Shane replied, setting his coffee down. 

Ryan shut his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before continuing. 

The minute Shane felt the first tiny pang of anxiety, it was immediately squashed down into the pile that had been building up for 30+ years. 

“Helen called,” Ryan said, his voice shaking slightly with the words. “It’s so fucking stupid, you know? I’ve got Mari now, we’ve got Watcher, i-it shouldn’t still hurt so damn much…” 

Shane nodded as he swirled the coffee around in his mug. 

“What did she want?” he inquired. 

Ryan blinked, looking up at him with a baffled expression, the sting of hurt behind his eyes.

“I tell you that my ex-girlfriend of almost 8 years, who dumped me on Valentine’s Day after I proposed to her in the middle of a crowded restaurant, called me today, and that’s your question?” Ryan asked disbelievingly. 

Shane opened his mouth to defend himself but Ryan spoke before Shane could continue. 

“You watched me break down on Unsolved shoots. You picked me up from the police station when they arrested me for being drunk in public; you were my one phone call. You know how much this—”  


Ryan’s breath came out in a shuddered exhale, and Shane winced slightly when he noticed tears pooling at the corner of Ryan’s eyes.  


He hadn’t intended to upset him, he just really felt out of his element with these sorts of things. 

Ryan’s head drooped so that all Shane could see through his webcam was the top of Ryan’s hair. 

Shane heard what sounded like a few quiet sobs and then silence. He nearly thought Ryan’s laptop had frozen again until he heard Ryan speaking tightly, not moving from his position. 

“I’m taking today off. I’ll text Steven.” 

Ryan paused, shifting slightly in his seat, still not lifting his head. 

Shane felt something tighten in his chest like a vice. He knew that he was supposed to say something, anything, but he couldn’t get any words out and just let the silence hang between them.

Ryan sighed heavily. 

“Bye Shane,” he muttered, ending the call. 

As Shane stared blankly at his screen, he could feel the tightness in his chest winding and winding, felt his breathing constrict. His hands felt numb, the tips of his fingers cold. He stood up on shaky legs, staggering over to the home office where Sara was working. As she turned to look at him, the edges of his vision grew fuzzy and dark, and he lost consciousness before he hit the floor.


End file.
